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February 28, 2008

Breaking the mommy commandments

Febgi1_2 We're only 10 minutes into tonight's episode of Lost and we're already completely... well, lost. Honestly, what the hell is going on?

Anyways. I've been thinking about all those little things we do as moms, things we really know we shouldn't do. I think it is time to absolve myself of my mommy sins. In the spirit of solidarity, your confessions are of course welcome!

Thou shalt not play dumb

I feel bad about this one, but I do it. Like when she wants to watch The Wiggles for the 3rd time that day. I have a strict 2-Wiggle limit, it's all I can take before I start having unhealthy dreams about hijacking the Big Red Car and running down Captain Feathersword. So she'll stand pointing at the tv pleading, "Iggo? Pees Iggo? Pees!" and I'll act like I just fell off the turnip truck and have suffered a massive concussion. "What, hon? I'm not sure what you want. That's a Teee Veee. Isn't that a nice TV? Can you say TV?" She looks at me like I am insane. Sometimes, if I am feeling really motivated, I can outlast her. She gives up in disgust and moves on to something else.

Thou shalt not lie to your child

I really think this one should be revised to read, "Thou shalt not lie to your child unless lying is going to save your sanity. Then it's okay." Who among us hasn't fibbed that a particularly irritating toy is broken or that the last bag of chips in the cupboard is "all gone?" A friend of mine, her kids must think every single thing at Toys R Us is busted by now. "Mom, can I have that?" "Oooh, sorry hon, it's broken."

Thou shalt not hide from your child

Um, guilty on this one too. Please tell me I'm not the only one. Mads can play on her own, she is happy as a clam... as long as I stay out of her direct line of vision. And so I lurk around corners, shimmy past open doors, army crawl my way down the hall to the bathroom. I'm 007, mommy-style.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's child

You know, the one who inhales his veggies and sleeps like an angel and doesn't make poo art on the walls with the contents of his diapers. For me, it's the one who sleeps in the stroller while his mommy shops. That has always been the Holy Grail. Just think of the possibilities. For one, you could actually try on clothes instead of hurriedly holding them up in front of the mirror. Nothing fits me anymore because I tend to overestimate the size of my chest and underestimate the size of my ass. A girl can dream, right?

Thou shalt not, upon detecting a particularly foul smelling diaper, pretend that you didn't smell it and then suddenly find something really urgent to do and then on your way out of the room sweetly mention to your husband that you think your kid might need to be changed

Come on, admit it. We all do this one.

(ps - Just look at that munchkin of mine, bed head and all... Could she be any cuter? :) )

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Comments

they have the wiggles in spanish here. Its a whole new cast. Katy couldnt care less about the show, shes into dora. Im down with that.

Posted by: michelle | Feb 29, 2008 12:13:51 PM

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