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May 30, 2008

Feel sorry for me

Ugh, sick. Again.

I’m sure you’re all getting tired of me complaining about my Winter (and now Spring) of never-ending illness, but as I’ve explained in the past: When I suffer, we all suffer. Sorry, but I just don’t do sick well.

This one’s just a head cold, so I think I’ll survive. I’m not normally such an invalid, this has just been a particularly dismal year. I think it’s more than mere coincidence that it is also the first year that Mads has been out mixing with other kids and filling her backpack with their germs to tote home to poor, unsuspecting me. I guess she is much more resilient than I am, because whereas she has the sniffles for two days I end up semi-comatose for a week. Better that than the other way around, I guess. But at this rate I’ll be bed ridden by the time she’s in grade school. I exaggerate, but I’m sick and I’m allowed.

I’m too busy feeling sorry for myself to come up with anything all that interesting today (unlike most days, when my stories of switching to store brand diapers of course have you on the very edge of your seat), so I’ll send you to a few other interesting places instead…

This made me cry today

This is where I’m spending far too much time

And last, and probably least, Clay Aiken’s going to be a dad!

Happy and healthy weekends... care xo

May 30, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 27, 2008

An unintentional act of evil genius

Monkey_5 Well, Mads and I have officially cracked one of life’s great mysteries. It turns out that yes, if left alone with a typewriter long enough, a monkey will indeed come up with Shakespeare. Well, at least my monkey will. We’re still working on our thesis, but here’s the short version…

Last week the two of us were waiting in line somewhere. I can’t even remember where, it seems we’re often waiting in line for something, which is not the funnest (most fun?) of activities with a two year old in tow.

(Sidebar: I’m suddenly reminded again of the genius of Dr. Seuss. From my personal favourite, Oh! The Places You’ll Go

The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come,
or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

Ain’t that the truth!)

So anyways, we were waiting. I went through the entire contents of the diaper-bag-o’-distractions: Books, toys, snacks, blankets. And then, in a moment of stupidity and desperation, gave her my cell phone to play with. And wouldn’t you know, somewhere in between calling grandma and ordering a pizza she managed to punch the exact combination of buttons required to delete my entire address book.

I didn’t even know that was possible. If I for some reason were to set out to delete every last phone number all at once I can pretty much guarantee you I wouldn’t be able to figure it out. I can barely handle changing my ring tone, which has sadly been set on Dance Vibes 03 for the past six months because I haven't had time to sit down and change it.

So, long story short… if I used to have your phone number, I don’t anymore. Please send it to me!

May 27, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

May 23, 2008

7 fun facts about my lame ass self

Loser_2In the interest of honesty, I have to tell you that I am far lamer than you could ever imagine. At least I am tonight. F is fishing, Mads is at the in-laws. I thought I had plans, but well... let's just say they fell through. So here I sit with a hunk of brie, a glass of wine, General Hospital on the TV, blogging. On a Friday night. I swear to god I used to be a lot more awesome than this.

Thankfully my bloggy friend Kelsy gave me something to keep me busy. By the way, check out Kelsy's blog Jill of All Trades - A Crafty Mom's World. She is fantastically, almost sickeningly, crafty. And probably a whole lot cooler than me.

So here goes...

The rules:
1. Link your tagger [done!] and list these rules on your blog [done, obviously]
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs
4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

7 Things You Never Wanted to Know About Me:

1. I am missing a toenail. Not as in I misplaced it, but I had it permanently removed. I'm not going to tell you why, or which one, because I think it's important for a girl to retain an aura of mystery.

2. I can't stand the feeling of raw silk. Or cotton balls. They are the tactile equivalent of nails on a chalkboard and just thinking about it gives me the heebies.

3. I'm seriously considering buying tickets to the New Kids on the Block reunion tour. Make that ticket, singular, because F has made it pretty clear he won't be joining me. Um, jealous much?

4. I used to think that the sun was just the other side of the moon. Shockingly, I did not go on to become an astronomer.

5. I have a way of driving people crazy. Especially poor F, god love him. The other night he woke up at midnight and I took advantage of his sleepy haze and tried to convince him it was actually morning and he'd better jump in the shower because I had to get ready for work. I kept it up for an impressively long time. I thought it was hilarious. He asked me how I managed to function in society. He is a saint, seriously. But it was pretty funny.

6. If I had to exist on only three foods for the rest of my life, I would pick: Olives, Cheese Pleasers, and cheap white wine.

7. I have the best friends imaginable. Near, far, old, new (wait, isn't that a Celine Dion song?), they're incredible, and I'm lucky. More than almost anything else I wish the same for Mads. Girlfriends are important. Boyfriends, too, but they can get you into trouble.

So... here are the next lucky 7: Jamie, Michelle, Yessie, Melissa, Barbara.

Okay, so that's only 5. Told you I'm lame.

May 23, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack

May 21, 2008

Crazy like me

I'm working on a theory. Now, I'm still fleshing out the details, but here's what I've got so far: 2 year olds are insane. As in loopy. As in out of their ever loving minds.

Maybe this is just a normal toddler phase or maybe there's something in the store brand Cheerios, I don't know. But one thing is clear: The girl has lost it.

Crazy_bunnyLast night she got into a fight with her rainboots. They stubbornly - and intentionally, might I add - refused to go on her feet, which quickly made it the worst day of her life. She yelled at them, pushed them, sat in the middle of the kitchen floor and wailed inconsolably. Even this morning they're barely on speaking terms.

She's decided, seemingly overnight, that she now hates baths. We're big on routine around our house, so her bath is always at the same time, in the same way. She loves it. Correction: She loved it. Now she hates it, which she lets me know by tearfully screaming "No bath! No soap! No toys!" over and over until we're finished.

She's also taken to giving everybody the stinkeye. From kids to old ladies and everybody in between, all they want is a smile and all they get is a squinty stare that seems to imply she's weighing the likelihood that they might try to steal her wallet. It can be mildly awkward, and so I am always left reassuring people, "Oh no, she looks at everyone that way!"

My point is that while I love Mads to pieces, she's gone a little bit nuts. Then again, I've been accused of my fair share of crazy, too (you mean everybody doesn't have an obsessive need to take apart their sandwiches and meticulously rearrange them layer by layer??).

Maybe it's not something in the Cheerios. Maybe it's something in the genes.


May 21, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

May 14, 2008

Somehow I think she'll survive

Bandaid So my mom called me at work yesterday to say that poor Mads had taken a tumble off of her stepstool and split her lip on the bathroom counter. I could hear her in the background, sadly begging grandma for cookies.

Betrayed by her beloved hot pink stepstool. It doesn’t get much worse than that.

Those are the times when it really sucks to be a working mom. Don’t get me wrong, normally I love it. But when you know that your baby is hurt or sad but have to wait until 5pm to comfort her you can’t help but feel pretty bad about it.

So I rushed right home after work, knowing that sometimes only mommy can make things better. Poor girl, she had a cut on her lip where she hit the counter, and one on the inside of her mouth where her teeth went through.

Sure enough, as soon as I got there, Mads pulled me into the bathroom and gave me a blow-by-blow description of what had happened. For someone who can only say two words at a time, she is quite the captivating storyteller.

Mads: “Brush teeth. Stepstool. Fall down. Cry.” (See what I mean? Pretty gripping stuff!)
Me: “Oh no, you fell down? Are you okay?”
Mads: “No.”
Me: “Do you want a big hug?”
Mads: “No. Bye Mommy.”

And off she went. Ah, it's always nice to know I'm needed.

An hour later I was working on dinner and she came running at full tilt into the kitchen.

Mads: “Cookie! Cookie!”
Me: “No cookies, Mads. It’s dinner time.”
Mads: “Cookie! Cookie? Peeees cookie?”
Me: “No, cookies are for dessert. We’re going to eat dinner first.”
Mads: “Mommy?” (voice wavering)

Then she pointed to her cut up lip and the corners of her little mouth turned down.

Dammit! Don't you just hate it when they fight dirty?

So we had cookies. Then dinner.

(Image from Photobucket)


May 14, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack

May 12, 2008

A camping we will go

So F and I have been tossing around the idea of taking an overnight camping trip with Mads this summer. Just one night, and close enough to home that we can pack up and leave at 3am if things go bad.

F is of course near giddy at the warm and fuzzy prospect of campfire bedtime stories and lakeside fishing lessons (though I’d like to point out that he returns from his boys’ fishing trip each year with not much more than a really bad hangover). While I can't wait for the days of family camping trips, right now all I can think about are the logistics of changing a poopy diaper knee deep in dirt and mosquitoes. And then there is the whole sharing-a-tent-with-a-two-year-old thing. I can’t begin to wrap my head around how that works.

Tent_city_6Anyways, I’m slaving away over a hot meal of Kraft Dinner, peas and ketchup last night when in comes F from the shed with the tent in tow. Brushing away my repeated question of, “You’re not actually setting that up, are you?” he proceeds to do just that. Smack dab in the middle of the living room. Thankfully he stopped short of hammering the pegs into the hardwood, instead it’s secured to the floor with masses of green painter’s tape. As you can see. (And yes, the balloons in the corner are from her birthday party 6 weeks ago.)

Of course Mads was out of her mind with happiness. In the tent, out of the tent, in, out, in, out, in, out. She corralled the dog in there, hosted a tea party for all of her many stuffed and plastic Doras, read teddy bear a bedtime story. I kid you not, from her plastic Easter egg collection to all of the letters from her magnetic alphabet on the fridge, just about everything she owns ended up in that tent by the end of the night. She sprinted around the house gathering her “stuff” and yelling, “Mommy? Daddy? TENT!” I’m surprised she didn’t fall down unconscious from the sheer panicked joy of it all.

Cut to this morning when she is up too early – yes, again – and demanding some tent time. I went into her room to try to convince her it was actually still sleep time but she wasn’t buying it. “Knock knock door! Knock knock door!” she wailed, pointing towards the living room. That’s her way of asking us to open the door so she can get the hell out of Dodge. Or is this case, her crib. Although, from the looks of things it won’t be too much longer until she’s able to do that herself! When I went in to her room I caught her with a leg on the railing trying to launch herself overboard. Help me, Rhonda. My worst nightmare. But that is a battle for another day. Back to the tent.

When I wished F luck in trying to take the now beloved tent down tonight he predictably said, “Well, we can leave it up for a few more days.” So we'll just have to wait and see if that means a few more days, or a few more years.

Funny how having a tent pitched in your living room makes you yearn for the days of tripping over Hot Wheels and Little People.


May 12, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack

May 09, 2008

Happy Mother's Day!

JULY 25th UPDATE: My baby is sick, and so is this site. For some reason it's redirecting to this old Mother's Day post and not showing any of the new blogs. I've tried to fix it, but my technological expertise doesn't go much beyond "Ctl+Alt+Delete" and throwing things at the monitor. Sorry, I hope to have it back up and running soon! And if it's not, I'll go back and post at the old blogger site for now. As for Mads, yes, she's sick too. She was up the other night coughing so much that she barfed all over her Dora bed, all over her Dora PJs, all over little Dora herself. Explore your way through that mess, Dora. Ay caramba!


I loved everyone's posts on the the news of Mads' first sentence, thanks for the congrats and words of warning (mama's diaper?!). Kelsy, honest to god, if wine has a cork in it we save it for guests and special occasions. Welcome to the world of the 3L box o' wine!

Mother_duckie_2 So... this is it, ladies! Our big weekend. Have you been showered with diamonds? Whisked away for a romantic dinner a deux in Paris? Spent hours lounging with cucumber slices on your freshly botoxed eyes?

Sorry, I'm getting carried away.

I have my Mother's Day all mapped out. Wake up, drink coffee. Brush my hair - crazy, I know. But what the hell, I've earned it. Don't do dishes. Don't do laundry. Go for a walk. Eat chocolate, calories be damned. I can't wait!

Happy Mother's Day to all of us - may it be tantrum free and full of gratitude and positive attitudes. We can always hope! The ups, the downs, and every space of no man's land in between - I'm thankful to have you all to go through it with in some small way. And to Mads, who spent much of the morning in tears over... oh, let's face it, I have no idea; I couldn't imagine a day without her.

I may have posted this in the past, I can't remember. But it's worth sharing again. It's worth sharing a hundred times.

Have a wonderful weekend!

May 9, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

May 07, 2008

And we have our first sentence...

Mads_bday_2 That’s right, we have a sentence!

It’s only 3 words, but I think has all the necessary components: Noun, verb… what else is there? The specific details of grammar have always eluded me.

In any case, I’m counting it. So, are you ready? Are you sitting down? Here it is…

“Go away, Mommy!”

Go. Away. Mommy. It’s heartwarming, right?

She first said it on the weekend and since then I guess she’s been working on perfecting her diction because I hear it all the time.

To her credit, she says it very sweetly, staring up at me from under her endless lashes and even pointing me in the right direction – namely, towards the nearest door.

Just last night she was pleading for dessert after making a thorough mess of her grilled cheese, so I plopped a cupcake in front of her (no, not homemade). Cupcakes are her very favourite. Next thing I know she’s shooing me into the living room with her little fingers. “Go away, Mommy! Bye bye!” As though she didn’t think I could be trusted around baked goods. She may have had a point, but still.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy about the developing vocabulary, but I guess I had envisioned a slightly different first sentence… “I’m so thankful for all that you do, Mommy” or ”That shade of green really brings out your eyes, Mommy.” But I guess “Go away” has its own certain charm.

Now I’m a bit apprehensive to hear what the first question will be. I’d guess that “Can I borrow the car, Mommy?” and “Why are you the only Mommy that buys wine by the box?” are vying for top spot.


May 7, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack

May 05, 2008

I love you forever... but go home already!

Busy, busy weekend. I was at my friend's baby shower on Sunday – and if it seems like I am saying that a lot these days, that’s because I am. So many babies!

MunschAnyways, the mom-to-be got tons of great necessities: Bouncy chairs, bottles (glass, clearly, not the poisonous plastic deathtraps I used for poor Mads), Bumbos, bibs. Endless. It is amazing the amount of stuff that someone under 10lbs requires.

And of course books. Who doesn’t love kids’ books? At one point a copy of Love You Forever was being passed around the room and I kid you not, women were sobbing. Tears and everything. That book really does tug on the heartstrings. We have it on our bookshelf, and I admit that even I have had a quivering lip and a lump in my throat after reading it.

But in all honesty, am I the only one who finds it just a tad bit creepy? When the mom is rocking and singing to the baby, it’s sweet. The toddler, adorable. The kid, sure, that’s cute, too. The teenager, it starts to get kind of weird, but I can go with it. But when she’s sneaking into her grown son’s house and dragging him out of bed to rock him? That’s plain creepy. She’s got to be the worst nightmare of every wife with an overbearing mother-in-law. Imagine the marital strife caused by that one? “Honey, for god’s sake, you’re an adult! Tell her you’ll call her tomorrow and come back to bed!”

Mads was at the shower too, and did great despite the fact that she was operating on no nap. I tried to put her down, but one of the other kids snuck in and tossed his toys in with her when he heard her crying. Which of course made her go crazy. I went in to see why she’d suddenly started screaming and there she was, standing in her pack n play losing her mind while the boy sat flipping through the channels on the TV. He told me he was trying to find The Wiggles on TV because he knew they made Mads happy. Sweet, eh? Not so sweet when she hit the wall at 5pm and was a monster till bedtime. But still, kids can just be so damn cute.


May 5, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack

May 02, 2008

Today's time-out...

Nothing to do with my baby or yours, but what is up with all the odd celebrity pairings these days?

Mariah Carey and the drumline kid married? (With a second hand ring, no less!) Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer? Really? Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?? Yeah, still not over that one. Apparently she is holed up in some Scientology hideout, probably receiving electroshock therapy or something. Normally I wouldn’t believe that, but Tom really does seem a bit out there.

Speaking of which, remember to tune in to his couch-abusing return to Oprah today… who am I kidding, I know you all TIVO Oprah anyways. :)

For old times' sake...

Have a happy weekend.

(ps – another not-too-early rising today!)

May 2, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

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"Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for." ~Jerry Seinfeld.

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