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July 04, 2009

Still alive...

Sooo.... I've been drifting from the blog a bit lately. My twice-weekly ramblings have dwindled to once a month or so and even that feels like a challenge at times. I feel the need to explain.

First of all, to borrow an excuse from my multi-tasking, Blackberry-addicted generation: I'm ridiculous busy. It's nuts.

Before I had Maddie I thought I lived life at a respectable pace, but looking back I see that my days involved an admirable amount of couch-lounging and leisurely strolls with the dog. Then the girl arrived and our lives got kicked onto another plane of activity, where our days are full and even our nights are sometimes interrupted by sad wails coming from behind her closed bedroom door. (These are getting more creative all the time - last night she woke up two hours after bedtime crying because she suddenly realized that I hadn't cut the washing instructions tag off of her T-shirt; last week it was that her pyjama sleeve was "all pushed up." She lives a tragic life, that girl.)

Those of you with two, three, five, eight kids ('fess up, Octomom - I know you're out there) are probably laughing at me right now, or angrily screaming, You think you're busy?! Try my life you pathetic one-kid cow. And you have a point, I know. But along with the work of being a mom I have taken on a couple of extra jobs over the years and while I love it, it's just... busy. That's all.

The other thing, and I aways knew at some point this time would come, is that it's getting harder for me to tell stories about Mads these days. She's no longer a blob of a human being who falls flat on her face if not propped up by strategically-placed pillows. She this little person now, with little person thoughts and feelings and fears and ideas and experiences all her own. She tells her own stories, which makes it harder for me to tell them for her. I've thought about telling my own stories for a while, but honestly there's not much to tell. I work, I eat too many chips, I attend daily pretend tea parties hosted by Mads' alter-egos "Judy" and "Cindabelya", I change diapers (YES, STILL!), I have a glass of wine. I read a few pages of a book, I see a friend, I buy a new pair of shoes. That's me, in a nutshell.

So that's where things stand. For so long, since I first found myself adrift in a stormy sea of spit-up and pureed peaches with only a screaming baby for company, this little blog has been my lifeline. It's like a living, breathing thing to me, and I'm not ready to leave it behind entirely just yet. Eventually I'll print all of these entries of neuroses and frustration and joy and bind them for the day when Mads is old enough to read and understand them, and hopefully to see that while I may be far, far, far from perfect (like, football field distances from perfect), I love her.

Until then, I'm still around.

July 4, 2009 | Permalink

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Comments

It's nice to "see" you back, Care! Super cute picture. :)

Posted by: Erin | Jul 6, 2009 8:12:05 AM

ok care, you just gave me a mild heart attack! i thought you were pulling the plug...i'm not ready yet!! do you realize how much joy these pages have given me! i get excited to read a new post! i said it a million times before, but you are an amazing writer,& of course, an amazing mom to maddie, & i have looked forward to & loved every single entry from the very first one! you have made me laugh my ass off, & cry like a baby with your honosty, wit, & humour!through we've been lucky enough to watch maddie grow through the eyes of her mom on these pages! i'm truly gonna miss this when it's time for you to go, but i know all good things must come to an end. (unfortunately!!) so thanks carolyn...for every word! love ya!

Posted by: brandee | Jul 6, 2009 9:52:01 AM