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October 11, 2009

Never say never...

I was trying to think of a witty or at least a somewhat memorable way to announce this, but I think I'll just skip all that and cut to the chase: I'm pregnant. Knocked up. In the family way. Insert the euphemism of your choice, what it boils down to is that 6 months from now - knock on wood - I'll be a mom-of-two.

Let me try to sum up how I've been feeling in the month-and-a-half or so since I found out, just so you're up to speed: Shocked, relieved, exhausted, nauseous, nervous, happy, hormonal. And terrified. Let's not forget terrified.

Last night F and I went out to dinner - where we spent much of the time talking about how we'll never be able to go out for dinner anymore - and when I got home I went and hung my coat up in the spare room, which is soon-to-be the nursery. And as I put the hanger back in the closet I had a sudden panic attack.

"Where are we going to hang our coats?" I asked F once I returned, pale and stricken, to the living room. "Once the baby gets here. Where will our coats go?? We never thought about that when we made this big decision, did we?"

For a long, long time I honestly thought I would never be pregnant again. I swore it up and down to anyone who would listen. I would have put money on it. I very distinctly remember the day I packed all of my maternity clothes up in a garbage bag and dropped them off in the Goodwill bin, thinking to myself that there's no way I'd ever be needing those again. I did the same with all of Mads' baby clothes and toys - I didn't keep a single thing. (Yeah, I'm kind of regretting that decision now.)

Then somewhere along the way I guess I changed my mind. Not entirely, but enough. And so here we are, happy and terrified.

My track record with new motherhood is less than stellar. I spent too many of Mads' early days numb and in tears and just the thought of going through that again is scary as hell. On the other hand, what would my life be now without Mads? What was it before her? I don't even remember. All I know is that sometimes when I see her big eyes and her toothy grin my heart literally aches to know that I've been entrusted with something so beautiful and so important. I am beyond blessed and grateful to have her in my life and I know that, whatever may happen along the way, I'll be blessed to know this new baby, too.

(ps - If you're expecting or know someone who is and might be interested I've taken over the Babycenter pregnancy blog for the next 6 months or so.)

October 11, 2009 | Permalink

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Comments

I am so so so happy and excited for you guys:) The second one really is so much more enjoyable because you know that even the tough times don't last too long. You will do wonderfully, I am positive! Congrats!!

Posted by: Bea | Oct 11, 2009 5:55:09 PM

rob & i are sooo happy for you guys!!! what a lucky little baby, to become a part of your family!! love you!!!!

Posted by: brandee | Oct 11, 2009 9:33:28 PM

Congratulations. I gave birth to a beautiful little girl in January and at the mo I'm 29 weeks pregnant. My babies will be 11 months apart. At first I was quite scared maybe even unhappy but now I am thrilled. Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy:)

Posted by: Fairy Girl | Oct 12, 2009 12:28:12 AM

Congratulations! I found your blog from your postings on babycenter, as we both have girls born in March 2006. Many blessings to you, F and Mads! Wishing you a healhty pregnancy...

Posted by: Sara | Oct 12, 2009 6:52:33 AM

Congrats fo sho :)

Posted by: Avril | Oct 12, 2009 7:39:31 AM

I admire your strength and honesty. What a great post! And hey, it sounds like you can use some of our baby clothes. If I can talk Rob into a 3rd, I'll need either pink or blue in the coming year. I'll keep you posted....Hugs!

Posted by: Jenny | Oct 12, 2009 5:31:01 PM

Congrats! The second one is much easier. You'll do great.

Posted by: Anna C | Oct 19, 2009 10:53:02 AM

I just saw this post today...... Congrats on such wonderful news!
Didn't wish you earlier as I had my second baby 2 months back and was busy...
And I so understand your concern about going through it all again. But it is much easier than the first as the others have said. And definitely not as desperate or scary or crazy as the first time... So don't stress over it..... And enjoy your pregnancy :)
Congrats once again...!

Posted by: desertmom | Nov 11, 2009 1:08:40 PM

Posted by: desertmom | Nov 11, 2009 1:08:41 PM